It's a new year.

I don't do New Year resolutions. Never have. I like to think that, instead of changing something drastic in my life for two weeks before giving up, I'd do better trying to make my life better in the long haul. Goals; long term, the pursuit of happiness, for myself and my loved ones.

So, goals.

- Write. Write better. I can assemble an impressive collection of words, but they're not worth anything if they're not good words, if they're not cohesive and beautiful together. I want to learn how to edit even more, to develop ideas with more words, write longer, coherent stories, with plot and feelings and descriptions. Expand on what I have, on what I know.

- Health. Stop ignoring my body and moaning when in pain, without doing anything about it. Do something about my back issues, something steady and long-term that will sort me out. Get a new mattress, at some point, too.

- Self-esteem. A sore point. I need to stop comparing myself to everybody, and mostly to those people who don't look at me twice. Stop trying to measure up, to "write as good" or to "be as pretty". Styles are different, people are different. It's not because someone is more popular that they're above me. (this one I will probably work towards for the rest of my life. Wishful.)

- Kindness. Look at myself in the mirror and not cringe. Wake up in the morning and smile. Be who I am, silly shy obsessed sweet geeky, as much as I want; stop trying to hide behind a fake curtain of 'cool' and pretence. People love me as I am, or don't. Stop trying to mould myself into something that isn't me, just to fit in. Be kind to myself, to those I love, to those who like me, to everybody and anybody who gives me the time of day. ♥

- Trust. No, not everyone is out there to get you. Not everyone around you is mocking you, your hair, your nose, your thighs, behind your back. People don't discuss how much of a bitch you are over hundreds of emails. I need to let go, and let more people in. It cannot hurt more than loneliness.

So, goals. And if you're around, if you've read this entry, I am sure, at some point or another, you'll help me achieve them. I'll take anything right now, a kind word, a smile, a hug. If you ever need me, I'll be there. You just have to ask.

then it goes on.

So, for those interested in my office woes, here are the last news: we don't actually have an office at all. The building in which we were before is being sold so we had to leave the premises, but we didn't sign on any other office space. And since we lost a big client just before the holidays, finances are tight, and so there's a lot of things in the air at the moment.

Office manager told me our boss will call each of us soon and talk about the situation. I feel like I'm possible on the very edge of losing my job. Good job I had a call with a recruiter today who sent through briefs for other jobs for me.

Sooooooo I'm working from home for the next while. Until I'm out of a job, or starting a new one.

Kinda want to cry again.