um, I probably shouldn't admit this so loudly.

[delicatale]

It seems I have found myself with a lot of affection for a pairing that isn't written (yet?) (well it has, twice now I think), that is quite wrong and a little twisted, but in a way I love it. Said pairing is grown-up!Gracie/Steve. In different ways. In a 'she's always loved him' way, or in a 'he's always been part of the family' way, or in a 'she's gone for years for college and then she found a job on the mainland and now she's coming back and Steve is older but still gorgeous and she's a woman, now, he can't deny her that' way, I just. I find the idea fascinating. And hot, because grown-up!Grace is hot in my head. And Steve doesn't call her Gracie anymore when she's older and curvy and looks at him with defiance in her eyes, no, and he knows it's wrong because she's Grace but, but.

I don't know, you guys, I'm fucked in the head and all that.

Comments

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, in the first vote they all vote for themselves and then someone is like, "Shit. OKAY, NEW RULE. YOU HAVE TO VOTE FOR SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF." And it gets really cutthroat so they have to bring in impartial moderators like Kamekona and Max. And Kamekona is like, well Danny has nice hair but look at Chin's cheekbones.

[delicatale.livejournal.com]

BUT LOOK AT DANNY'S ASS.

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY THAT. XD

[delicatale.livejournal.com]

I'M SORRY, IT IS A VERY NICE ONE. I can assure you that Steve and Kono agree on that one.

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

IT IS A VERY NICE ASS. In those perfectly tailored trousers? Yes, please.

[delicatale.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm. This entry is leading to completely unrelated discussions, I like it.

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

I think we got a little carried away.

[delicatale.livejournal.com]

Only slightly. It's okay, that's why we work.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

And Max gets all scientific and starts measuring people's features with calipers and uses software to show each person who they could look with a little plastic surgery and then they all get really depressed and drunk. And then there is an orgy...

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, YES. Shit, I have an idea for the ending. WHY GOD WHY.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

I don't know. My brain just does this and I have a sneaking suspicious yours does too! :D

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

If I actually end up writing this you will get full blame credit. (Unless you wanted a crack at it!)

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

No. I'm trying to write a new chapter of Being Home and working on my big bang. Have at it you! :D If you need to bounce ideas anymore or need a beta or anything just ping me. circus at gmail.

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

Oh, the big bang, that other thing I should be working on! Yes, I will do that, thank you! :D

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

Oh god, there is no beginning or end, just random snippets thrown together, but it's probably all I'm actually going to end up writing so I am posting it for you. >.<

Also, Kono is Regina from Mean Girls.

*****

The rest of the afternoon is spent making back-door deals and not-so-quietly campaigning for each other's vote. Kono promises to set Danny up on a date with her cousin who used to cheer for the Dallas Cowboys, and Chin offers to do all of Steve's paperwork for a month. Steve sends Danny thirteen emails offering increasingly graphic sexual favors, even if Danny doesn't vote for him, and Danny deletes all of them without replying.

*****

Finally, they decide they need an impartial third party. When Kamekona arrives he listens to their situation very seriously, then drinks all of the beer in Steve's fridge and flirts with Kono and Jenna for the rest of the afternoon.

"That was a terrible idea," says Danny.

"You're just jealous that he said I'm the prettiest," says Kono, looking smug.

"He said if Kono was busy next week that he would take me to Applebee's," says Jenna. "He has a coupon."

"Look, we need to find someone who is truly impartial," says Danny. "Someone who won't use this situation to get a date. Someone who can approach this objectively. Scientifically, if you will. Someone like..."

"Max, are you gay?" says Danny when they storm into his lab later that afternoon.

"Jesus, Danny," says Kono.

Max blinks once, twice. "I do not prefer one sex or gender over another."

"Perfect!" says Danny. "We need you to tell us who is prettier."

Max looks at them for a very long moment before he says, "That would require a very complex algorithm measuring various facets of your appearance. Fortunately, I have developed such an algorithm."

*****

Max spends the next three hours taking pictures, measuring their facial features, taking x-rays, and plugging all of the data into his computer. He generates about 50 pages of numbers that no one can decipher. He also uses an aging program to show them what they will look like in twenty years.

"I look like my mother," Kono says sadly.

"So do I," says Chin.

"Yeah, but your mother is pretty than mine," says Kono.

*****

When they get back to HQ, Kono pulls a bottle of bourbon out of her bottom desk drawer and they all get shit-faced.

"I had crow's feet," Chin laments.

"I looked like a school librarian," says Jenna.

"My boobs were saggy," says Kono.

"I was bald," Danny slurs.

"I actually looked pretty good," says Steve.

"I'm really sorry I told everyone that they were ugly and would die alone," says Kono. "I didn't mean it, I promise. You're all really pretty."

"No, you were right, no one is ever going to have sex with me," says Jenna, slumped over the table. "I'll be an old lady who hoards soup cans and keeps too many cats."

"Oh my god, that is so not true," says Kono, patting her arm. "I would totally have sex with you."

"Really?" Jenna says doubtfully.

"Totally," says Kono. "We could just make out right now if you wanted me to prove it to you."

"I also feel like I will die alone," Danny tells Kono.

"I'll make out with you," Steve offers.

"I was talking to Kono. And Jenna."

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard. SO HARD. ♥

[tailoredshirt.livejournal.com]

:D :D :D

There was also this, which is probably what sets the whole thing off:

"You have great hair," says Kono, reaching up to skim her fingers of the nape of his neck. "You're so pretty."

"Thanks, Kono," says Steve, pleased.

"So you agree?" says Kono. "You think you're pretty?"

[delicatale.livejournal.com]

Omg I cackled like a little hyena! This is amazing, I want more! Also, Danny, stop being mean to Steve, he won't blow you anymore if you do.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

Thank you for not minding us traipsing all over your post! <3

[kristen999.livejournal.com]

*snickers for a good thirty seconds*

Thanks, I needed that :D

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed the shit out of this whole comment thread, JSYK :) Utterly delightful crack, guys.

[bandbfan.livejournal.com]

Oh JFC that was so funny!!

[lilaia.livejournal.com]

Love! :D

[gunslingaaahhh.livejournal.com]

OMG MAAAAXXXXX I DIED OUT LOUD.

AND L-O-FUCKING-L AT STEVE TRYING SO HARD AND DANNY JUST NOT CARING.

[alamo-girl80.livejournal.com]

Okay, I just laughed obscenely loud and then strangled on my doritos.