delicatale: (Teen Wolf Jackson cries)
I am so, so emotionally exhausted. Today I had to watch one of my colleagues explode in sobs over one of our clients, and realising we made a mistake, and having to sort it, and deal with it all. She is doing it, and doing it well, but it's a little too much right now.

It's like, my emotions are way too close to the surface at the moment. I cry watching White Collar, and Awkward, and I snap in frustration every time I'm asked something I don't know the answer to. I want everyone to go away, I want to be left alone, if only for a while, so I can try to breathe and look at issues head-on. Maybe it's because I had a 19 hours work day on Tuesday (day trip to Paris to meet with clients), maybe it's because it's been 3 months since my last break. It's just been a hard week.

Thankfully I am going away tomorrow. Getting on a train back to France, I am roadtripping with my mum to the south of France for a wedding, and then going home for a week. I will be alone with my dad and my dog during the days, and I plan on sleeping a lot, writing a lot, geeking out a lot, and recharge my batteries in my quiet childhood neighbourhood. I am hopeful it will be enough to make me feel a bit more stable again.

sigh.

Apr. 3rd, 2012 07:15 pm
delicatale: (H50 quote angry person)
So my workplace held this competition, to win one in ten spots for the Zombie Shopping Mall Event, and my god did I want to get a place. It was a draw, ten names out of a hat, and 26 of us signed up, and I didn't get a spot. Before the draw I was almost sick with nervousness, and after I was trembling, close to tears.

And, okay, I know it's stupid, right, super fucking stupid because it's not the end of the world and it doesn't really matter and it's just not a big deal, but, I don't know, not getting a spot really, really upset me. And I know I shouldn't think like this because it's a perk from our COO and we're fucking privileged to have been offered spots (he's paying the £1200 for the ten spots out of his own pocket), but I can't seem to get over the fact that I didn't get a spot. I gather that it makes me a super selfish bitch, I just can't shake it.

One of the guys who got a spot was like 'ah, I see several of you want it, so I will auction mine closer to the date!' and it pissed me off so much my hands actually closed into fists.

I seem to be keeping my feelings in check with difficulty. Idk, gimme happy things to change my mind, possibly?
delicatale: (Default)

Last night, I dreamt about being pregnant. Twice in one dream (when, in real life, it's a possibility I'll have trouble getting pregnant). Like, I gave birth and then there was an ellipsis and then I was pregnant again. Not even kidding, I get pregnant dreams when something big happens in my life. I've read somewhere that dreaming about being pregnant means a project coming to fruition, things like that.

Well, this afternoon I had yet another interview, with a big search marketing agency, the kind you hear about when you follow industry news and all, and it was a super technical interview and sort of terrifying, but you know what? I impressed them so much they gave me an offer a few hours later.

It probably has nothing to do with the fact that I dreamt I was pregnant but man, this shit happens. Anyway, I HAVE A JOB. AN AMAZING ONE AT THAT. So I am pleaaaaased, and I want to say thank you to all of you who supported me through the bitching, and TAKE THAT, NOW EX-BOSS WHO TOLD ME TWO DAYS AGO I WAS DOING THINGS WRONG IN INTERVIEWS.

Alllllll the group hug and high five gifs are more than welcome, I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLL.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

delicatale: (Seb Stan as jack is hurt oh bb)
Am in an absolute tizzy. Just had a meeting with one of my colleagues, and it seems I'll soon be the only one left without a new job and/or a plan to go on. There is almost no work left at my current company, and I know that my boss will not make me redundant if he can't help it, but being a burden on him is just something I cannot fathom. I have applied to jobs right left and center, with limited success, and I've contacted recruiters I've been working with before. I can't go on sitting on my arse, even if this whole thing is frustrating and scary and tiring.

If I don't find a job soon, and I lose this one because there is no more work to do, I won't be able to support myself. I can't ask my parents for money, and the job agency here probably won't give me enough per month to allow me to pay the rent and bills. I have no choice.

My hands have been shaking for the past hour. I have a month to find a job. I can do this.
delicatale: (Seb Stan as jack is hurt oh bb)
So, for those interested in my office woes, here are the last news: we don't actually have an office at all. The building in which we were before is being sold so we had to leave the premises, but we didn't sign on any other office space. And since we lost a big client just before the holidays, finances are tight, and so there's a lot of things in the air at the moment.

Office manager told me our boss will call each of us soon and talk about the situation. I feel like I'm possible on the very edge of losing my job. Good job I had a call with a recruiter today who sent through briefs for other jobs for me.

Sooooooo I'm working from home for the next while. Until I'm out of a job, or starting a new one.

Kinda want to cry again.
delicatale: (Seb Stan as jack is upset)
An example where my company sucks: when I got back from LA, I was told that we're moving offices. Then I wasn't told anything until about two weeks ago, where I had to ask about it, and I was told we'd be moving 'at some point before the new year'. Then, last Thursday, we were told to work from home on Friday because movers were coming on Friday to move everything and all. I'd like to tell you then that we still hadn't been given an address.

So Friday we work from home, and then it's NYE and everything else, and today was a bank holiday. I checked my work emails to see if our office manager would give us the new address at some point during the weekend/Friday, but there wasn't anything. Today, all day long I've been checking, nothing. In the end, I called the office manager, for him to tell me that tomorrow we're working from home again because the new office is not ready yet. Still no address given. Then he told me my boss would call tomorrow to let us know what's going on.

Later on after that call, I'm still on my work email to check, and one of my colleagues emails to know if anyone has heard anything. Which means possibly nobody else has asked, or checked, or wondered WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING. I am appalled, and slightly worried. This lack of communication is ridiculous. I shouldn't have to call to have any information about where I'm supposed to go! There has been no official email about it, just random conversations, our boss never said anything about it, either, it's the office manager that worked it all out.

It's just so unprofessional. I don't know.

work woes

Dec. 20th, 2011 02:44 pm
delicatale: (Steve breaks my heart)
I am....having kind of a hard time, at the moment.

I thought I needed a holiday. To be fair, I did, and LA did me a world of good. But then we came back and life went on and work still has issues with communication, and with giving me something stable to work on, something I can proudly put on my CV later on. I was partially responsible for a project that they decided to pull while I was in LA, and not really told me anything about it until I went up to my boss and asked.

I feel like it's time for me to move on. Recruiters are still contacting me regularly - SEO and PPC are skills that are widely sought after, especially since I worked in the gambling industry - so I'm keeping my eyes open.

But this whole thing depresses me. I like this place and I like these people and I wish they'd just give me something bigger. I don't have managerial ambitions, but I want to be challenged, I want to feel needed, and right now, it's not the case, here. Sometimes, moving on is for the best, I guess.

I want it to be next year.
delicatale: (Avengers Bucky is terrified)
Hmmmm. So this afternoon was dull. Half of my office had a meeting with a new client, and since we are getting rid of an old client, these days are pretty quiet. I spied one of my colleagues playing Bejewelled while I was contemplating playing Solitaire and was trolling the interwebs instead of working on my fic - I procrastinate LIKE A PRO.

Anyway, I still managed 1,100 words on my latest fic, and I'm working ahead, so that's good. I'm not stagnating, which I like. I'd like someone's opinion on it, but as people are busy/not interested, well, I make do! And I make progress. So that's good.

I got very lovely comments on my Holiday Love meme thread already, I am all warm and fuzzy about it, thank you, whoever you were! If you want to gimme some more sugar, MAMA LIKES IT. I am a terrible beggar when it comes to love.

Lastlyyyyyy, you can't say I'm not a giver, too.

HE IS SO TERRIBLY ADORABLE.
delicatale: (Default)
Digging into website data so deeply that I don't see an hour and a half go by, this is what I love most about my job. I'm counting links, checking IPs, following link paths, and then I look down and oh, look, it's almost time to go home!

I wonder - what do you guys do?



Also, look! I have a new default that shows my natural excitement even better than silly Alex throwing his arms about. Not that I won't use that one anymore, but. ELMO!

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